The Good Wife’s Guide goes around the internet quite often as a “how to be a good wife” kind of post. However, most find these 1950’s housewives’ rules outdated so this is a modern Good Wife’s Guide.
If you know me you know I’m not a meek and quiet 1950s housewife. I have my opinions and I will share them. I also don’t blindly do anything.
This did almost get me in serious trouble once. One time my husband and I, while we are still just dating, were at my parent’s house. We were on the back porch and my husband (boyfriend at the time) says “come here.” I said “why”, he said, “just come here.” I questioned him again and he picks me up and moves me. Turns out there was a copperhead very close to my feet. So maybe I shouldn’t always question everything, ha.
The point is while I love the fashion and decor from the ’40s- the early ’60s, I would not have done well with how women were often expected to act. The Good Wife’s Guide is a good example of something I’m sure I would have rebelled against.
How to be a Good Wife
The Good Wife’s Guide is rumored to be a “how to be a good wife” article that was published in a housewives’ magazine like Good Housekeeping Magazine or something of that nature. There is no clear evidence that really does exist or if it did, where it was from. The ideas in it are ones that many women in that time faced though.
I thought I’d share the original guide and then my updated version. Keep in mind I’m saying the things in my updated version are good things to do, not because you are a woman but because you are a nice person that decided to be a housewife. Big emphasis on decided! I’m not a housewife because that is all I am able to be, I’m a housewife because I want to be and it works well for my family.
The Good Wife’s Guide: Original-
- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc., and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
- Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
- Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
- Be happy to see him.
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home later or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
- Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
- Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
- Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.
- Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
- A good wife always knows her place.
Related Post: Ditch the Leggings, Embrace the House Dress
The Good Wife’s Guide: Modernized-
- Have dinner ready at a time that works for your family. Plan ahead to avoid last-minute stress. Also consider getting something like an Instant Pot, which works as a slow cooker and an electric pressure cooker. It will also help you avoid a stressful rush at dinner time.
- Give yourself time to rest. 15-minute naps have been shown to really help productivity and aren’t long enough to harm sleep patterns at night. You need to take time out of your day to take care of yourself.
- Clear away the clutter at some point in the evening. A good nighttime routine helps for a better morning. Cleaning up is part of this because no one wants to wake up to a messy house.
- If you have kids, make sure they wash their hands before dinner and pick up. It’s basic hygiene and it’s good for them to learn to take care of their things.
- Greet your partner with kindness. As you should with everyone, especially loved ones.
- Don’t overwhelm your partner the moment they walk in the door. Everyone needs a bit of downtime. It will be easier for you to talk about important things with both of you are settled and relaxed.
- Couples should have social lives outside of each other. Always be considerate of each other’s feelings but remember it’s good to have some time apart.
- Your goals will change depending on what season of life you are in. Be sure that you and your partner are on the same page about what is important in your home life.
- Communicate your plans with each other so that no one is worried or waiting around.
- When possible, create a cozy and inviting home. This is different for each family but everyone wants a nice place to call home. That doesn’t mean it’s perfectly decorated or picked up, just that it fits your needs and your family can be happy there.
- Nicely remind your family to take off their shoes before coming into the house. It helps keep the house cleaner and keeps pesticides and other nasty things out.
- Don’t assume things or be passive-aggressive. If you have a concern discuss it.
- A good wife tries to do her best.
What are your thoughts on the original Good Wife’s Guide and my modern Good Wife’s Guide? Do you feel like you know how to be a good wife now? I’d love to hear what you think. Honestly, I’m fine with doing some things from the original because I’m a nurturer. But again, that’s a choice, I’m all about having choices.
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Amber says
I like your version much better. The first version makes me go, “WTF?”
Katherine Murray says
Agree Amber! Good job Lisa!
Indy says
GIRL! I love your modern respectful version way more
xD
HAHAHAHA!!! My jaw dropped a few times. I was like “WOW way to make women feel like lesser beings and crap.”
….”remember what you have to say isn’t as important” (O_O)? DAAAAAAAAAANNNNGG!
The me I am now… ooh man I’m not an aggressive person that walks around slapping people, but if time travel was real… lets say my hands would be a different color. Like a deep ruby red most likely HAHAHA
Lisa says
The first list was why valium was invented and why many women in the 50s and 60s were on it.
Deanna says
I’ll take your version, please. 🙂
Melissa says
The first version has always made me laugh. I wouldn’t have been a good wife then! I would have totally done the same thing you did in the Copperhead situation.
Roz says
Certainly your version. But I can also tell you my Mom would have laughed at the original. She worked full time, was a professional, and probably would have suggested we all treat our housekeeper/cook/childcare person with more respect than that first one shows!!
Susannah says
Your version is much better! 😉
Cara says
I love this! Some of the items in the original version would be hard to replicate in today’s modern society. My how the times have changed. What a fun post!
Dorie says
I am a 60’s bride. I don’t recall such rules. My husband always treated me with respect and caring. I remember some woman writing a book that said a lot of these things and it created a lot of controversy and was not popular for long. That kind of thinking led to abuses just as it does today, Because I was a homemaker, meals were on the table each night, the house was clean and the kids well taken care of. He went to work and my “employment”was making a nice home life for our family. I think a lot of gals have swung too far the other way, with expecting husband’s to take over as soon as they get home, because they have been busy all day, Sometimes especially that busy is spent on the phone talking, playing computer games and play dates with girlfriends where they chat and the kids fun wild. Not saying all, so no one take offense, but some. The men in grew up with would have thought these ideas ridiculous. Real men then and now, treated women with respect the same as a woman, then and now, treats her family with respect
audry Cece says
Yes! I love this:-) I am a stay at home mom and I love doing things to make my home comfortable and loving for my husband. And he does the same sorts of things for me. I think these acts of love and selflessness go a long way in helping your marriage be great!
Ruby Dean says
Yes!??
Ruby Dean says
No question marks! Spell check!
Claudea Blythe says
I couldn’t agree with you more Dorie. I think many other factors played a role in women being better equipped to care for her family and home than they do now. For instance, I’m a homemaker now, but I don’t have several of the skills that my grandmother did in her day such as sowing, gardening, canning, needlepoint, etc. Many of those skills were not only modeled by a young woman’s own mother but also taught in schools. I remember taking home economics and short hand in high school and thinking it was a waste of time. Not many years after it was removed from the schools in my state. Now I can see the impact that not having courses like that have on a today’s woman, myself included. With the absence of homemaking being modeled in the home and the skills not being taught in a formal or structured setting, I can easily understand why homemaking is not on many young women’s radar today and/or why a learning curve is needed. That’s why I’m so thankful for sites like this one!
Lisa Sharp says
I think all people are missing out on a lot of practical skills. I’m so glad my mom and dad took the time to teach me a lot of great skills. My dad taught me a lot about fixing things which can save so much money. My mom taught me to cook and a lot of other great homemaking skills. I’m glad you like the site!
Ruby Dean says
Well said!
Indy says
Dorie, you’re a beautiful person <3 I love your comment. Its truthful and wonderful. I'm a housewife of 6 years.
Ruby Dean says
Dorie, I love what you wrote! It’s so true. I love being here for my family. My husband is a gem and treats me like a queen! He’s a very hard worker and always puts our family first! I’ve been with him 45 years, married 41, he’s incredible! If he’d let me, I’d take his shoes off in the evening and rub his feet! I’m good with the original plan, Lisa’s plan is ok too! Grateful over here in Georgia!
Marisa says
I definitely prefer your version! I’m a housewife/stay at home mom to three (soon to be four!) small children, and while I take pride in our home and our family, that first list is waaaaaay too far in the opposite direction for me. I do believe that while my husband works very hard to provide for us and absolutely deserves downtime at the end of the day, he isn’t exempt from being a father to our children. Sadly, I know many men who believe that since they bring home a paycheck, all they’re required to do at the end of the day is give their kids a hug and a kiss when they walk through the door, and mom resumes every other childhood duty. I sincerely believe that while my husband is at work, I am in charge of the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping/errands, appointments and childcare, and I’m happy and proud to keep our home and life running smoothly. However, as my husband said after our first child was born, “both of us had something to do with bringing our children into the world. I’m just as responsible for their upbringing as you are.” I couldn’t agree more, and I feel very blessed to be married to such a wonderful man who takes fatherhood so seriously. Being that I’m 34, I have no idea what most fathers did back in the day, if they had the same mindset as my husband, or if they felt all aspects of childcare were a wife’s duty. I’m curious to hear the responses!
Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent. 😉 I had to laugh, though, at the part on the original list that instructed women not to complain if their husbands stayed out all night long. Lolololololol no! Nothing good comes from a husband who disappears all night!
Melinda says
I know, right? My sister married a man that thinks if he has to take care of his kids, he’s being “daddy daycare” (his exact words)…she works full time, btw. I’m a stay at home mom and my husband is a truck driver, but when he is home, he basically spends the majority of his time with his little man and even stays with him while I go places, to give me a break because I am with him 24/7. My husband can be a pain lol, but he is a very hands on dad and thank goodness!
Sarah says
I do prefer your version. The first version was post WW1 or WWII. I forget which, so putting it in context is makes absolute sense. Men who were shell shocked and absolutely broken were trying to function as husbands and fathers again. Must’ve been an extremely hard time for everyone.
Edith says
I love the first version , the second isn’t so bad either . I’m an old fashioned housewife. And I’m 35.
Crystal says
I’m the same! I love being a 1950s housewife!
Alexandria says
I found the first list to be preferable. But I am a lucky wife because my husband loves being a good father. He was never very hands on when the kids were little, but I understand now that he was uncomfortable doing certain things. Now that I am a stay at home mom again and my kids are four and six I am more than happy to serve my husband the way women did in the 50s. My husband has a lot of respect for me and what I want, and I do the same for him. Serving him makes us both very happy.
hannah says
The first version seems to me a woman who is dealing with a husband who seems on the edge, like seriously depressed/PTSDish (which I wonder if it was a lot of the WWII generation, they went through hell and came back and had to act like everything was normal, plus they believed in the hold-it-in John Wayne ideal, so the pressure must have gone somehwere)
The part that blows my mind (and makes me wonder how authentic it is) is the “don’t complain if he stays out all night” ?!? I mean, if my teenager stayed out all night, he’d need to explain. How much more my husband! Letting our marriages fall apart isn’t love, its negligence.
I like your version 🙂 I’ve found having the main area clean when he comes home, and emotional preparing myself (not dumping all my angst on him) before he steps through the door, really helps 🙂
I’ve found my
Michele says
I don’t think this article is real, I’ve never seen it’s original source anywhere. I am of the opinion that this was a parody article, written “tongue in cheek” to spoof guides of this type that were prevalent during that era. Especially looking at the last two points? Come on, lol That being said, there is a saying in the 12 Step world concerning any advice given that goes “Take what you want and leave the rest”. I’ll keep yours and pick and choose from the first list.
Lisa Sharp says
It likely isn’t. But I have a lot of vintage magazines and it wouldn’t totally shock me if it was real ha.
Jenny Chism says
Its real. My mother saved a government program brochure she received in 1964 that basically told women these exact same things. It was something a third grader could read.
Joan says
I saw this list in a 1950’s home-ec text.
I like a few from the first version and all of the second. I’m a homemaker and my husband and I have respect for each-others roles in this crazy life.
Linda says
I was thinking I had read the original list before, and then I wondered if I had the original book. I have a vintage (1963) book called -Facinating Woomanhood- by Helen B. Andelin. I will have to look at it more closely, but it has a lot of similar sounding lists in it. I suspect there was a lot of direction being given at that time as more women were taking their bras off and rejecting how their mothers were treated.
I have never known a woman passive enough to be able to pull off the original. I don’t believe my husdand wants that. He values my opinion, intelligence, and leadership. I will always consider him to be the head of the home, and I show him respect as that because I am a woman who believes in gender roles and order. But, as many wise women know, if the man is the head, the woman is the neck- and can turn the head any way she wishes!
Tuqa says
My mom and dad are still living the firat virsion and whats funny is that they expect us to be the same and treat our husbands the same way they do
We keep telling them that our time is not like theirs but they are never convinced and think that we are not being good wives to our husbands me and my 2 sisters
Emer says
I adore your modern version. It’s funny how we think,”I couldn’t be THAT kind of housewife.” The funny thing is we would have been conditioned to strive for that. That being said, I think that maintaining a home can and should be a dual effort. There’s a difference between being a housewife and a maid.
Lisa Sharp says
I’m glad you liked it!
Catnip says
There’s a reason why dinner should match his schedule over everyone else’s. When he comes home from work, his blood sugar is very low. His job isn’t done either. You’ve got things to talk about and there’s probably always a list of chores for him to tend to. The kids eat snacks all day. I know this from experience. If you want to make your husband feel as important as he is and as you are, you’ll have dinner on the table the second he walks in the door. Your new version is interesting, and of course some of it is valid, but not as much as you think. It lacks wisdom.
Ashley says
I agree
Janette Senatore says
There’s certainly something to be said for the first version. After all. Most of them managed to stay married for life, and our generation doesn’t. Just food for thought.
.
Amelia says
You must also remember that the legalization of no-fault divorce in the United States began in 1969 in California, the first state to implement it. An isn’t wasn’t legal till the mid 70s in the UK. Naturally, marriage in the 50s lasted longer.
NoriMori says
Correlation does not imply causation.
My grandmother married an alcoholic, abusive jackass when she was 27. She didn’t divorce him until she was in her 50s at least. Do you think they stayed together for so long because 1950s values somehow magically made their abortive marriage successful? Or do you think perhaps it’s because society had not yet reached the point where it was either financially wise or socially acceptable to divorce a worthless spouse?
Abigail Hightower says
While I love the attempt to Modernize The Good Wife’s Guide, AND while you mention that in a way in the beginning… I feel like you derail it with your previous statement that “The Good Wife’s Guide is a good example of something I’m sure I would have rebelled against [if I’d been alive back in the 1940’s to early 1960’s]”. So I think it bears repeating: It’s important to note that it’s not actually from the 1950’s.
While some of the ideas espoused by it probably WERE culturally acceptable in the 1950’s (though that really is highly debatable in many ways when you start talking to Women who were Housewives back then), it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a big fat lie; as a document or as a list, it never existed. It never appeared in Good Housekeeping, and it was never in a Home Economics book either. In fact, from what we can tell it’s no older than the 1990’s at earliest. So while it’s great to do those things if you want to, it reduces our legitimacy to continue encouraging the idea that its, in any way, a historically accurate document of any sort.
Lisa Sharp says
I did say it may not be real. And this is just meant to be a fun post. 🙂
Sofeea says
I like most of the first version except for the parts about not fussing if he stays out all night. It’s different if he has to work late, but another thing if he is out doing his own thing. Yes, he does the major part in providing, but he also has a wife and possibly children too that need his attention.
Elisabeth says
I love this new version. Thx for sharing!,
Anna-Marie says
I like the old one best! I’m 24 and absolutely love being at home, making everything look nice (we have an old house which needs a lot of work), taking care of the housework, and looking after my husband. (He’s amazing!!) I also love gardening, sewing, cooking, baking… and it’s great to fit in a bit of reading occasionally. People ask me if I have, or if I’m going to get, a job. Mann, I already have a job! It’s called being a housewife!!! 😀 (…and hopefully a mother someday soon, Lord willing…)
Thanks for the post! 🙂
Heidi says
The first version does not take into consideration one bit that taking care of a house and little ones all day is a lot of work too. Physically and mentally. I love that my husband works hard so that I may be a SAHM but without his help in the evening, we wouldn’t be happily going on 19 years of marriage. Your version is much more practical. ? BTW, I’m a mom of 3, including twins.
Kyra says
I think the biggest difference between the two sets of rules is one focuses on the happiness of the husband alone and one focuses on the happiness of the family as a whole. While it is important, as a wife, to make your husband happy, it is also important that you make yourself happy. Being a good housewife doesn’t mean being a servant to your husband, it means being the caretaker of a home that brings joy to your whole family, including yourself.
Lisa Sharp says
That’s what I was going for. We all matter. <3
Brooke says
The original “how to be a good housewife” is from Better Homes and Garden Cookbook. The exact list in in the 1953 edition.
Lisa Sharp says
I’ll have to check mine. Thanks for sharing.
Elvira H. says
Loved your version. I was raised old school. I tried to be 50’s version good wife but just not possible. I read your version and I feel it makes more sense. It really is about what works for your family. Thanks for your version.
Lisa Sharp says
I’m so glad you liked it. It is a lot more attainable.
Christina says
The modernized one is okay, but I like the old one better.
Lisa Sharp says
Whatever works for you and your family is best. <3
Rowena says
In the world of the first version, marriage was an economic arrangement, not a love match. A woman needed a husband for financial reasons, so he had to placate him & put up with his behaviour to keep a roof over her head. It was about survival, not romance or fulfilment.
I’m not sure the brainwashed women who say they prefer the first version realise that it is very pointedly saying that you have to put up with your husband cheating on you. All of the references to him staying out late, even all night, and telling the wife not to question him, are explicitly referring to tolerating affairs. The implication is that she needs the husband for economic reasons. It’s a master-servant relationship, where the servant would not be able to get another job if she quit or was fired.
Thank goodness for feminism and women’s ability to earn their own living so we are no longer financially dependent upon men.
Brianna Bullock says
Calling another woman brainwashed for the way she wants HER relationship with HER husband is rude… Not very feminist of you to bash another woman for choosing to cater to HER family.
Lisa Sharp says
I wanted to comment here and say that this is a light-hearted post. I believe every woman should do what’s best for her and her family. We all have different beliefs, backgrounds, and values. This is a good thing, it makes the world more interesting. So let’s try to be respectful of that. This is not directed at one person but a general statement as I keep getting some heated comments. This is not meant to be that serious of a post.
Everyone is welcome in my space as long as we can be respectful. I have decided to leave these comments that have gotten heated but will watch closely.
Granny G. says
I had to laugh as I read the first version and can tell you it’s real alright! I was a girl in the ’50’s. I read Good Housekeeping and other women’s magazines which espoused such ethics and had stupid ads for how much a wife loved the ironing board she got for her birthday, or adored the new vacuum that came at Christmas. And let’s not forget Playtex’s “living bra” or “freedom” girdle. Mom made me wear a girdle when I was only 13-I hated it! When we were small, I remember mother telling me (as well as my sister and brother): “pick up your toys so daddy doesn’t trip over them”, “hug daddy when he get’s home but no yelling and screaming”, “No, not right now, I’m making dinner for your daddy”, “turn off the TV, daddy will be home in a few minutes”, “look nice for daddy, go wash your faces”. She made sure we set the table in the dining room before he got home. We were NEVER allowed to eat in front of the TV, let alone have it on during dinner. She even had the telephone company install a switch to shut off the ringer so at dinner time she could flip it and he wouldn’t be bothered by phone calls. She swore us to secrecy about that and it was a long time before he discovered it!!! But when he did, he wasn’t upset. He knew she wanted him to have a hot meal without interruptions. She would make sure the wash was done before he got home because you could hear the machines running when in the dining room. She did this because she loved him and wanted him able to relax; he had a career that was often aggravating and frustrating. He had incredible fortitude and stuck with it to take care of Mom and us kids. And herein lies the difference – my parents lived by those ethics (mostly) because it was their CHOICE, not because society told them they should.
Some of these concepts are good ones; some of them suck. if you’re a SAHM, making your home comfortable and pleasant for the breadwinner is thoughtful, considerate and kind. But it MUST go both ways. Homemaking IS a job and not always easy. And if you have children, you may not always have some time for yourself. And you should – you need it too! Both parents should be nurturers and caretakers. I was lucky, I had a terrific dad! He was firm yet gentle, encouraging yet never condescending, and a great shoulder to cry on. He was my rock when I was little. Sometimes he took us on day trips so Mom could have a break. She could be tough as nails if she chose, still she was a wonderful mother. She was never the milk-and-cookies type. She made us walk home from school rather than take the bus (it was an unnecessary expense). But it was only about 4 blocks or so and on cold days when we walked in the door shivering, she had warmed-up socks right out of the dryer to put on our cold feet – she was a warm-socks-mom rather than a cookie-snack-mom.
That CR*P about his conversation and his ideas are more important is just that…. CR*P. My parents were a TEAM, we never were able to play one against the other because they always communicated. And they never considered one to be more important than the other – they would have told you that was nonsense.
But that ethic DID exist. I had friends whose dads ruled the roost – they HAD to toe the line, and so did their mom. If I showed up on a Saturday morning at a certain one of those homes and my playmates hadn’t finished their chores, I was made to help them or go home! Don’t get me wrong, it did me no harm. He was a very good dad but he had been a sergeant in the army during WWII and he liked a disciplined household.
Not all fathers were “wise and fair” – such bull! Some were tyrants. And that “He’s the master of the house” sh*t helped develop a monster here and there. Back then, divorce was scandalous and carried quite a stigma – a divorced woman was not trustworthy, (although HE wasn’t usually stigmatized) So if a man was a drunk, abusive, or simply a jerk, it was kept hidden as much as possible and sometimes it was believed the “little woman” was to blame; she didn’t do her “job” well enough. Makes you want to puke doesn’t it? A woman’s identity (and often status), was tied to her husband’s – she was Mrs. Arthur Jones rather than Mrs. Betty Jones. If you ever get to see society news pages from that era you’ll see what I’m saying is true. You wouldn’t know a woman’s first name unless she was a friend or acquaintance. But the world WAS very different in those days and that lifestyle worked well for many. Many women were so incredibly happy that their men came home from the war that they were thrilled to “serve” them (Once they were married that is!). And so many of those marriages lasted literally “until death us do part”. My parents’ marriage did and I thank God for it. Was it perfect? Absolutely not. They put in the hard work necessary to make it a success. I have many wonderful memories of life with them. Dad’s been gone for 35 years now and Mom for 19. I will always miss them.
OK, enough rambling. The bottom line is that both of “How to be a Good Wife” versions have some merit. But every couple is different. If you’re smart, you’ll talk about EVERYTHING before getting married – who works or not, children-how many or not, how to split parenting duties, how to handle discipline, should one of you be more the Leader than the other (notice I didn’t say boss or “Master of the House”), perspectives on finances (this is a biggie), where you’d like to live – you get the idea. If the two of you are in sync and can discuss problems rather than fight over them, you’ll have a great life together, regardless of what “society” says.
Ruby Dean says
WOWZA, GRANNY G!!!! I just don’t have words!! I’m glad I read another article that lead me here so I could read your comment!! Thank you! Made my day!
Crunchycon says
My mom raised us in the fifties and sixties, and there was some of the tactical stuff that she could relate to. No, she was not good at the “knowing your place” and “what you have to say is less important “ items, but she would have dinner on the table after Dad had a chance to change clothes and perhaps have an adult beverage (hey, it was the sixties), she’d clean up my little brother and me (toddlers seventeen months apart couldn’t have been all fun and games) and comb her hair and put some lipstick on, Her special trick was to polish the dining room table with a little Lemon Pledge to make the house smell good. Those were the days…
Emma says
So, I read both of these out loud to my best friend. Her reaction to the first one: ‘I feel like you are inducting someone into a cult right now.’ Her reaction to the modernized version was much better.
Lisa Sharp says
ha! That’s funny. Glad she liked the modern version more.
Amber says
Love your modern version much better; nearly had a fit at the first list. I think that while society in general has gotten away from house and home keeping lessons, I think its smart to take a page or two out of our grandmother’s books to learn how to manage a family. Interestingly enough Im from the south and some of this is still gently taught, although not enforced.
Great Article.
Kristi says
I like them both. I’m in my late 50’s and remember my grandmother taking care of her household the same way she had when she was a young wife. There are good merits to both.
Rainah says
LOL! This whole subject is intriguing. The point about WW II shell shock is real, but keep in mind that The HoneyMooners and I Love Lucy were busy expressing the real thoughts of women, and their men, sometimes to the point of parody, but often without full measure of how far some women went in submission or push back…. — Yes, no fault divorce changed things, not entirely for the better. But before that, a woman who could afford a private investigator to catch her husband cheating was indeed sympathized with by most people…..
Chloe Clark says
When I was reading the original part
‘Listen to your husband, his topics are more important than yours’
I was like ‘wait… WHAT is that sexist?’
Al says
Have not seen any comment from men, so will input my side of the coin. I am more of an older world guy, about gender rolls and place and position. That being said, I think the original has a more misogynistic tone to it, where your says basically the same thing, but in the voice of a woman who truly wishes to live that roll, If the mate is going to be the stay at home person while the other works and provides the financial requirements, there is nothing wrong with this theology or rolls.
We as humans have a poor flaw when it comes to communications and expectations of and to one another. If we do not communicate well or what we think our expectations of the other is, we can not fault them for not meeting up to them.
There is one thing I would highly recommend to be added to either the modern or 50’s version is do not use sex or funds as a weapon. Meaning if the working mate comes home and wishes intimacy, and there is no reason not to, then enjoy with them, do not hold it back. Seize the moment. Many time mates will use sex or money as a means to get something they want. I want a new Car and no sex till I get it. Or if you do not give me what I want I will cut your money off. This is something I have seen and many times for the stupidest reasons, don’t do it. It is understandable to say i am sick can we do this later/tomorrow, when I feel better. This is not smart, it is not caring, it is not loving or supportive, It is not all the things that make a good relationship.
guest says
My grandmother was a 1950s farm wife, on a western Kentucky tobacco farm. So, back in those days, men and women ate dinner separately and at different times of day. The men would break at midday, when the sun was highest, eat lunch and head back out to the fields. The women of the family weren’t stripping tobacco, so their mealtimes were more flexible. Also, my grandmother had a part time job in addition to farm duties. She worked for a while in a Mattel factory. During WW2 she also worked in a school cafeteria. I have a glass milk bottle from WW2 that has some WW2 “buy war bonds” slogans on it. She saved some of those bottles to use as flower vases, since they were perfectly decent glass bottles.
I like your modernized list. I’m single and childfree, so it’s still not wholly relevant, but I bought my home in 2000 and it was build in 1950, so I’m very interested to learn how to adapt my clunky 1950s house for modern living. The lighting is terrible since it doesn’t have the modern recessed lighting. It makes taking pictures for instagram super awkward. Also the kitchen is nice and large for the size house it is, but no room for a dishwasher. I have to wash dishes by hand (but since I’m the only person here it doesn’t matter much). I’d love more advice on updating/retrofitting 1950s G.I. bill homes for greater 21st century comforts.
Lisa Sharp says
My house was built in 1963. I love vintage homes so not likely the person to talk to about modernizing a vintage home. If you update electrical and plumbing you can use most modern things just fine. But our issues are minimal. Just can’t run some big items at the same time and have had some minor plumbing issues. We do have a dishwasher, I think it was likely put in around the 80s. They also make countertop dishwashers that are really nice for small families.