I belong to a lot of housewife, marriage, and women’s groups online. I enjoy many parts of these groups but there is one thing that I have found to be upsetting and that’s how a lot of women talk about their partners.
I would be lying if I said my husband never upsets me or does anything that annoys me. However, I try very hard to avoid saying negative things about him to others. My mom and I will sometimes laugh about silly annoying things my dad or my husband do, because they are often the same things. (Yes I married someone with a lot of the same traits as my dad, I’m a stereotype! ha) But they are lighthearted things and always things we would say in front of them.
It makes me uncomfortable when I see people bash their partners, even if it’s a “private” setting. For one thing, nothing is really private. It’s so easy for someone to take a screen cap of what you say on the internet. While we hope people won’t do something like that, it happens a lot. And even if it’s just in an in person conversation it can still get back to your partner.
I was always taught to put myself in other’s shoes and to treat them as I want to be treated. I would be very hurt if I found out my husband was talking badly about me to other people. Why should I not give him the same courtesy that I expect from him?
Often when people vent about their partner it’s a momentary thing. Their partner is just getting on their nerves or whatever. The problem is these gripes can change other’s opinion of your partner and they aren’t likely getting the whole story.
Seeking marriage advice from someone you trust and respect is one thing but just flat out venting can bring pain to your relationship and is not fair to your partner.
If the thing you want to vent about is really something that needs addressed, go to your partner. Outside sources aren’t going to be able to fix the issue for you. If it’s a bigger issue and you do need help see if your partner is willing to go to see someone with you.
It seems like most of the time these vent sessions are not things that need help though and just require a bit of communication with your partner. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and may have no idea that they did something to upset you. Let them know in a kind and constructive way. This often means taking a bit of time to cool off but do that privately, venting will likely only make you more upset.
Again, I’m not perfect but remembering to think about how I want to be treated by my spouse helps me stay accountable.
What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you agree or do you feel like it’s not really that big of an issue? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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